If you take the amount of bananas sat on the table
in front of me (4) and multiply that by the amount of apples (4)
we have 16. Not a significant number you might imagine, not alone,
no. But if we look at this number in its context, on a messy desk,
we start to be able to organise the chaos surrounding these at
first nonsensical numbers. Now a banana and an apple both have
skin. And how many letters are there in "skin"? Precisely!
4! The first piece of the puzzle begins to fall into place. Because
4 is the number of blocks in the classic Russian videogame, Tetris.
It may seem disparate but allow me to explain. Tetris was designed
and programmed in 1985 in the month of June (no coincidence that
this month also contains four letters). Russia has six letters,
which is four plus two. I still have fond memories of learning
this particular mathematic conundrum, sixteen years ago. My teacher
Mrs Hogg can be quite simply placed next to the word, "hedge"
creating Hedgehog, Nintendo's (and here the Tetris link comes
full circle) arch nemesis from the Sega Mega Drive.
So now we have established a clear and unrefutible
link between my bananas, apples, primary school teacher, Tetris,
Sonic and Nintendo. The hardest part has pretty much been done
for us. There are some simple deductions to be made and we can
come to the full blown, awe inspiring, world ending conclusion
that we've been waiting for. This one is going to blow apart governments,
charities, rainforests. This revelation is so huge it is going
to blow apart even religion itself. After this there will be no
more religion. We will have the answer. Jesus is going to hell
in a handbasket once I reveal to you the final piece.
Or it isn't. Hundreds of significant things will
happen in 2012. This year a dictator was hung, they discovered
what makes grapefruits dangerous to people taking certain medicine
and England once more failed to win the world cup. Well, maybe
not all that significant. Humans look for answers and patterns
sometimes as a useful psychological tool, sometimes because they
are bored. 2012 predictions fall under the second category. Of
course my argument above is facile, but the point is patterns
arise, attributing significance is a fun past time (oh my god,
my girlfriend told me she would like kids some day...DOES THIS
MEAN IM GOING TO BE A FATHER OH MY GOD WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!) but
overall it tends to be found futile, fruitless and frustrating.