If you take the amount of bananas sat on the table in front of me (4) and multiply that by the amount of apples (4) we have 16. Not a significant number you might imagine, not alone, no. But if we look at this number in its context, on a messy desk, we start to be able to organise the chaos surrounding these at first nonsensical numbers. Now a banana and an apple both have skin. And how many letters are there in "skin"? Precisely! 4! The first piece of the puzzle begins to fall into place. Because 4 is the number of blocks in the classic Russian videogame, Tetris. It may seem disparate but allow me to explain. Tetris was designed and programmed in 1985 in the month of June (no coincidence that this month also contains four letters). Russia has six letters, which is four plus two. I still have fond memories of learning this particular mathematic conundrum, sixteen years ago. My teacher Mrs Hogg can be quite simply placed next to the word, "hedge" creating Hedgehog, Nintendo's (and here the Tetris link comes full circle) arch nemesis from the Sega Mega Drive.

So now we have established a clear and unrefutible link between my bananas, apples, primary school teacher, Tetris, Sonic and Nintendo. The hardest part has pretty much been done for us. There are some simple deductions to be made and we can come to the full blown, awe inspiring, world ending conclusion that we've been waiting for. This one is going to blow apart governments, charities, rainforests. This revelation is so huge it is going to blow apart even religion itself. After this there will be no more religion. We will have the answer. Jesus is going to hell in a handbasket once I reveal to you the final piece.

Or it isn't. Hundreds of significant things will happen in 2012. This year a dictator was hung, they discovered what makes grapefruits dangerous to people taking certain medicine and England once more failed to win the world cup. Well, maybe not all that significant. Humans look for answers and patterns sometimes as a useful psychological tool, sometimes because they are bored. 2012 predictions fall under the second category. Of course my argument above is facile, but the point is patterns arise, attributing significance is a fun past time (oh my god, my girlfriend told me she would like kids some day...DOES THIS MEAN IM GOING TO BE A FATHER OH MY GOD WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!) but overall it tends to be found futile, fruitless and frustrating.

Anon